Dear Cheerios,
When I eat you with fresh peaches, I am perfectly content.
Dear Public Radio,
I apologize for not giving this year during the fall pledge drive. I am trying to furnish my new place, and I thought you would understand.
Dear mattress,
You smell like mildew. Gross.
Dear dryer,
I can't believe you melted my mattress pad!
Dear Ikea,
Every time I go into your store, I wish I was living that scene from the movie 500 Days of Summer.
Dear Beyonce,
I hope it pleases you to know that the very first song I listened to once I got a new car stereo installed - after two long months of absolute silence - was If I Were A Boy. I blasted it and I sang and I was happy.
Dear Mark Zuckerburg,
Even though it's hard to like you after seeing The Social Network, I think you would make a great therapy client. Together we could discover the roots of your douchiness. Please let me know if you are interested - it would be an honor.
Dear Elder Uchtdorf,
Thank you for telling me to stop being so busy. I feel relieved and more relaxed, and I love having free evenings.
Dear Supreme Court,
Thank you for making our elections even less democratic. Every time I hear a story like this and am reminded of your Citizens United decision, I want to punch you in the face - collectively.
Dear President Obama,
I am so excited that you are coming to the University of Washington, but could you please reschedule the rally so that it is in the evening and not during the work day?!
Dear Seattle Sounders FC,
Thank you for scoring that third goal and ensuring us all free haircuts.
Dear high school students,
The sounds of your ukuleles as you walk up and down the halls between class periods is bizarre, yet strangely soothing.
Dear running,
I am sorry that I hated you for so long. I realize now that I was not giving you a fair shot with all that intermingled walking. Your endorphins are really quite wonderful.
Dear Tacoma Narrows Bridge,
You thought you were sneaky, but I finally found your toll and avoided your $55 ticket. Ha! Third time's the charm.
9 comments:
Yay you updated!
So fun! Love the update. And DITTO to E. Uchtdorf!!! SLOW DOWN during turbulent times. It's the mantra that will help save me from motherhood blues.
Dear Supreme Court: Thank you for upholding the Constitution and my right to free speech and to do whatever I want with my money.
Dear Jenn: Even though we disagree about the meaning of individual rights, I love you very much. Thanks for updating!
Jenn is right. SCOTUS got that ruling dead wrong.
Holly, are you a corp. now? "Holly, Inc." would be a catchy name.
Dear Anonymous, I appreciate the support. Please reveal yourself!
Love these letters!
I've been wondering about the Social Network movie...I feel that it's akin to a movie about the Church, but not made by the Church or approved by/consulted with the Church. But I keep hearing great things about it! I'm sure you could work wonders with Zuckerberg!
Dear Jen-
You make me laugh. Please keep sharing your jen-ness with me and cyberspace. =)
I LOVE YOU! Your blog posts make me laugh and cry. You are such a great person and friend.
Dear Jen,
Thanks for eating me so tenderly.
Truly yours,
Grapefruit
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