A Mother's Day Tribute to Mary

Madonna of the Book by Sandro Botticelli, 1480 

We live in a German-Catholic town west of Minneapolis, and two of our kids attend the local private Catholic school. I have gotten to know some of the Catholic moms from school, and I even attend their monthly Catholic Mom's Group. I love it. One thing has stood out to me about these women: they are unapologetic about their motherhood. They don’t seem conflicted or in turmoil about their identities as women or mothers; on the contrary, they seem empowered in their motherhood.

I’ve gradually concluded that this sense of confidence has a lot (maybe everything) to do with the Catholic reverence for the Virgin Mary. Besides Christ, the person they esteem the most is a mother! We know we have a Heavenly Mother, but the presence in their theology of a divine female who is so relatable and knowable helps to elevate the status of motherhood. Here are some of my favorite insights into motherhood I have had while studying more about Mary.

Motherhood is Inconvenient 

Mothering the son of God was probably not something Mary wanted for herself. She most likely did not want to get pregnant before she was married and deal with the social fallout. I imagine her as a younger girl dreaming of her future life with Joseph; I’m sure it did not involve being mother to the Messiah. Yet when asked to do this incredibly hard thing, she responded, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it unto me according to Thy word.” (Luke 1:38) When Christ said to the Father, “Not my will, but thine be done,” (Luke 22:42-43) it’s interesting to consider that this humble attitude of submission was one that he first learned from his mother’s example.

This additional verse of the children’s song “Nephi’s Courage,” written by Dr. Camille Fronk Olson, puts Mary’s courage and obedience on par with other scripture heroes:

An angel commanded Mary to mother God's own son. 

Mary had a question, "How could this be done?" 

Trembling and fearful, she did not ask him why. 

Mary was courageous, this was her reply.

I will go, I will do the things the Lord commands. 

I know the Lord prepares a way. 

He wants me to obey...

There are countless ways that women have to submit to the will of the Lord in their motherhood. Maybe a baby comes sooner than wanted or expected. Maybe babies come later or not at all. Maybe you didn’t get the birth experience you had planned and hoped for. Maybe motherhood looks like adopted, step or foster kids. Maybe you wanted a girl and got a boy, or wanted just one more and got twins or wanted them not to be born on your birthday and they were. From inception, pregnancy, birth and onward, motherhood often demands that we let go of our ideas and plans and submit to the Lord’s will.

June 4, 2016 Santo Domingo Temple 

My own motherhood came in unexpected ways; I never thought I would become an instant-mom to five kids at age 35. If, when I was in my twenties and praying for a husband, the Lord had answered my prayer by saying, “Yes, Jen, you will marry a handsome, smart, interesting man … in 10 years. And btw he’ll be a widower with five kids living in the suburbs in Minnesota,” I would have said, “Umm, what?! No thanks!” But this life, and especially my step-motherhood, has been better than I ever could have imagined. I love this quote from Elder Holland, “You can have what you want or you can have something better.” That has been true for me, and I hope that it was true for Mary as well. Even though her motherhood came at a time and in a way that she didn’t expect or want, I hope that it was sweeter and more blessed than she ever could have imagined when she was a young girl dreaming about her future.

Mothers Need Mothers 

The Meeting of Mary and Elisabeth by Carl Bloch, 1865

After the Annunciation from the Angel Gabriel, Mary went to visit her relative Elizabeth. Here was another woman whose motherhood did not happen when or how she wanted. She struggled with infertility her whole life, and by the time she got pregnant, she far surpassed the threshold for “advanced maternal age.” I love Carl Bloch’s interpretation of this moment. In this picture, Elizebath receives Mary with open arms of love, understanding and support. I can almost hear her say, “Come here, sister. It’s ok! I got you! We can do this hard and crazy thing together.” One was pregnant way earlier than she wanted and one was pregnant far later than she ever wanted, and the Lord brought them together so that they could support each other.

In the Catholic tradition, Mary has a mother named Anne and a father named Joachim. The logic is that if Mary was such an amazing faith-filled woman, then she obviously must have had an amazing mother herself. And thus we meet Saint Anne, who is now the patron saint of grandparents, couples without children, women in labor, and women unable to conceive. Joachim, her husband and Mary’s father, is the patron saint of grandfathers, fathers, and grandparents.

The Virgin and Child with Saint Anne by Leonardo da Vinci, 1501-1519

In this classic painting by Leonardo Davinci, you see the three generations, Anne, Mary and Jesus, forming a pyramid. Mary is literally sitting in Anne’s lap, just like a child. This image rings true because after I had my first baby, I needed my mother more than ever. I needed someone to take care of me as I learned how to take care of a baby. My mom has a skill set that I never fully appreciated until I became a mom. Moms need moms! I have learned so much about mothering from my sisters-in-law and my dear friends; together we work through each new phase of motherhood. Mary needed her biological mom Anne as well as her mentor Elizabeth, and I hope she had a community of other mom friends as well. 

Mothers Receive Revelation 

There are many different ways to interpret the wedding at Cana (John 2:3-5), but one interpretation from a Catholic friend is that it was Mary’s inspiration that led her to ask Christ to perform his first public miracle of turning water into wine. At this point, she knew what He was capable of, (maybe He had already been performing private miracles?) and her request was her way of saying, “You can do this. It’s time.”

Mary’s inspiration relates to one of my favorite quotes on motherhood from Bruce R. McConkie:

Women are appointed, Rebekah-like, to be guides and lights in righteousness in the family unit, and to ENGINEER and ARRANGE so that things are done in a way that will result in the salvation of more of our Father’s children.

“Engineering and arranging” is one of the best descriptions of what I do every day as a mom. I’m constantly trying to orchestrate things for each kid that will maximize their growth and progress. For example, I felt inspired to sign up our 11-year-old for our local Boy Scout troop, and it has been a really positive experience for him. I felt prompted to share a general conference talk with our missionary son about reading the Book of Mormon and marking all the parts that speak of Christ, and it took a lot of angling and repetition, but he finally did it. Some of my favorite experiences as a mother are the moments I feel the Spirit guiding me to know what to “engineer and arrange” for my kids.

Motherhood is Painful 

La Pieta by Michaelango (1499) depicts Mary's Sixth Sorrow

Catholics identify and list Mary’s seven sorrows:

1. The prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2:35 Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also.) 

2. The flight into Egypt

3. The loss of Child Jesus at the temple 

4. The meeting of Mary and Jesus on the way to the cross

5. The crucifixion and death of Jesus

6. The taking down of the body of Jesus from the cross 

7. The burial of Jesus

There are so many ways that motherhood can be painful. Not getting to be a mom is painful. Pregnancy can be painful and uncomfortable as is birth itself. There is the pain of post-partum depression and anxiety; the pain of a disabled child; the excruciating pain of the death of a child; the pain of watching a child make bad choices.

So many of the Catholic moms talk about drawing comfort and strength from Mary as a fellow mother. We know that Christ understands everything we experience and is our ultimate source of comfort; we can and we should turn to Him for relief. Yet He does provide us with other role models and examples who can serve as additional sources of comfort and inspiration. This is where our theology and Catholic theology differ. I draw inspiration from Mary like I do from Mary Fielding Smith, Sherri Dew or Joan of Arc. I don’t pray to those women or see them as intercessors between me and God, but I am still inspired by their lives. They don’t have any special power in my life besides their legacy. Given what she experienced as the mortal mother of the Son of God, Mary’s example can be inspirational during our moments of “mother pain,” even though she is not the ultimate Source of Relief.

Motherhood is Joy

What were some of Mary’s sweetest moments as Jesus’ mother? Was it when she watched Him heal people? When He raised Jairus’ daughter? When she heard him preach? I can only imagine the awe she felt when she watched Him deliver the Sermon on the Mount.

Mary and Eve by Sr. Grace Remington, 2005

This profound crayon drawing by Sister Grace Remmington, a nun from Our Lady of the Mississippi Abbey in Iowa, shows another element of Mary's joy as a mother. Here is grieving Eve, contemplating the pain, sin, troubles, and sorrows she will soon experience in the fallen world, a world that she chose to enter. Yet Mary lovingly directs Eve’s gaze and her hand to the baby in her womb, the Son of God. I imagine Mary saying, “It’s going to be OK. Because of Him, it will be OK.” What joy she must have experienced knowing that healing and redemption will come from the fruit of her loins.

Mary herself praises the Lord in verses that the Catholics call The Magnificat in Luke 1:46-49.

Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.

How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!

For he took notice of his lowly servant girl,

and from now on all generations will call me blessed.

For the Mighty One is holy,

and he has done great things for me.

I have a friend whom I’ve never met in person who also married a widower with kids. We have spent a lot of time on the phone together processing our situations. She has also borne two biological kids. She posted this on facebook -- it deeply moved me and seemed to me like a modern-day mother's Magnificat:

Before getting married, I traveled the world. I hiked in the Himalayas, swam with whale sharks in Cancun, rode camels in Dubai, rafted through the jungle in Ecuador, toured through Europe, backpacked New Zealand…and had countless other adventures in other countries. And I can tell you what, I have experienced more joy in my own backyard with these tiny humans than any of those places. Thank you [husband’s name] for this life we’ve created.

Mary, an Example of Discipleship 

These characteristics of motherhood are also characteristics of discipleship. As women, we often look to examples of men – in the scriptures or at the pulpit – for inspiration and motivation, but men rarely have to look to the examples of women. However, in the case of Mary and her motherhood, men can also learn about what true discipleship looks like:

1. Being willing to submit to the timing, plan, and will of the Lord
2. Supporting and seeking support from others
3. Acting on personal revelation
4. Gracefully enduring the pains of mortality
5. Finding joy in the complexities of life

All disciples of Christ – male and female – can strive to develop these Marian attributes and skills.

Conclusion: Motherhood and the Atonement

Facts: Your mother has failed you. You fail your kids as a mother. 

But that’s OK because we have Christ! His Atonement is there for both the wrongs others inflict upon us and the pain we cause others, even unintentionally. Just as I never needed my own mother as much as I did when I became a mom, I have never needed the power of the Atonement as much as I do as a mom. I have to trust that His power to heal and to mend can make up for my shortcomings as a flawed, mortal mother.

I draw comfort from these quotes: 

I am modifying Elder Holland’s words here, but I think they still apply: “... Imperfect [mothers] are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection [in yourself and in your mother], remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work.”

And Elder Uchtdorf (footnote #2): “Mortal parenthood certainly pales in comparison to God’s ideal. He surely sees that. He must weep over all the sorrows and heartache in family relationships. And yet He has not given up on the family [or mothers]. And He will not, because God has a glorious plan for the eternal destiny of His children. And at the center of that plan is the family...”

...and at the center of the family is motherhood. May we, like Mary, accept the inconvenient, nurturing, inspiring, painful and joyful calling of disciple and mother.

This picture of my friend Emmi with her five boys on Mother's Day 2023
captures the majesty of motherhood. 
 

Me and my girls, July 2023

Additional Source

Strathearn, Gaye. Mary, the Mother of Jesus. Ensign, January 2019.