Nuckols Name Survival Kit

My two new sister-in-laws are both taking on my brothers' name. That means that they are now going to have to interface with the world as a Nuckols.  Jeffrey and I wanted to prepare them for this daunting task, so for Christmas we gave them each a Nuckols Name Survival Kit. We decided that while we can't prepare them for all the mispronunciations and misspellings, we can prepare them for the array of bad jokes that they will hear for the rest of their lives.

Brass Knuckles

When people ask you if you own a pair of brass knuckles, you can tell them that you have this beautiful necklace, but that real brass knuckles are illegal in all 50 states. Then point out the irony that in America: brass knuckles = illegal; semi-automatic guns = legal.

Knuckles Sandwhich

When someone asks you how many knuckle sandwiches you have delivered (administered?), I recommend that you look menacingly at them and say, "I lost count." However, the sad reality is that I do not know of a single Nuckols who has actually delivered a knuckles sandwich - not to mention a roundhouse one. It is a shame, really. We invite you to be the first to remedy this lack of honor to our name.

Knuckles, the Echinda

I still have no idea what an "echinda" is, and I have neither watched nor played Sonic the Hedgehog, but when people ask me about this Knuckles character, I just smile and say, "Yep! Just like him" because that seems to be what people want to hear. Apparently he is pretty hard core, so I am OK with that.

Knuckleheads

This book is brilliant because all the characters are made out of body parts, and you can see that "Handsel" and Gretel in the top left corner literally have heads that are made out of knuckles. Be prepared to congratulate people on their cleverness whenever they think that they are the first person to ever call you a knucklehead.

The Nuckols hoodie

For months I had been planning this dramatic moment where I would be wearing my hoodie on Christmas morning and then the two sister-in-laws would open up theirs and we would take a picture of the three of us together. I had their hoodies express mailed to the house, and then I forgot mine in Seattle. Boo.

But to B and S: I hope that you wear both the hoodie and the name with pride and remember that even with all the bad jokes and constant spelling corrections, it's a pretty rad name. (I promise that your kids will really love it too.) We're glad to have you. Welcome to the Nuckols/Knuckles/Buckles/Nichols/Nuchols/Noockols clan!